So sometimes I have to care for kids all day without a break, most notably, Bram is in my arms more than he is out of them. Thats life, but it's also something that I really get tired of. I just don't want the full time mom job some days. I feel guilty that I don't want the full time mom job. But it's just a feeling. It's a normal and understandable feeling. I suspect that most mothers out there have those moments.
For my next observation, I'll mention the bothersome tendency to offer unsolicited advice. I get so annoyed when people try to fix my problems by offering me what I am sure they think is the perfect information for my situation. I know their intentions are wonderful and caring. I know this because of all the advice givers out there, I am the worst! Ok so there may be a worse one out there, but I'm pretty bad about it. I know that I mean well, but it does not make it ok. I continue to work on becoming more aware of this trait, hopefully to overcome it altogether someday. For now my rule is I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ADVICE! I can forgive myself if I do, but I must acknowledge it and apologize and move on!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Day 90
I'm sending out lots of prayers for many people in my life who are struggling in their marriages. Husbands love your wives! Wives respect your husbands! Yes marriage is hard sometimes, but it is worth it!!!!!!
Cleansing breath.
I admit that I am powerless over others.
I am trying to finish unpacking and decorating my bedroom today. I want to do this to show Solomon that I love him in one of his primary love languages, acts of service.
*later*
I was able to get all the boxes unpacked or moved out of the room, and adjusted some furniture positions Solomon loved it and felt loved, so I can say Mission: Accomplished! And I get to do a second round to finish decorating, so it's a win all around :)
Cleansing breath.
I admit that I am powerless over others.
I am trying to finish unpacking and decorating my bedroom today. I want to do this to show Solomon that I love him in one of his primary love languages, acts of service.
*later*
I was able to get all the boxes unpacked or moved out of the room, and adjusted some furniture positions Solomon loved it and felt loved, so I can say Mission: Accomplished! And I get to do a second round to finish decorating, so it's a win all around :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Day 89
Getting to church this morning was hard. Very hard. I didn't get as good a nights sleep as I needed, and had a difficult time waking up. I did get a shower, but I did not get breakfast. The kids objected at every turn. Thea didn't want to wear a dress, and then picked out an outfit that was stained. I had to send her back to pick something different, and she can't seem to do that on her own. I had to guide her through finding a different combination. Cirdan tried to choose shorts, and objected loudly when I told him he needed to wear pants, and again he could not find them on his own. When I told him he needed to work harder on putting his clean clothes away so they wouldn't end up in a pile on the floor, he denied responsibility. He was angry because he felt blamed for leaving his clothes out, and felt that was unfair. I, of course, felt at the end of my wits, and felt he was to blame for his clothes being on the floor. Meanwhile, Bram was crying inconsolably, and I still had to dress Jaden and Zoe. Solomon by the way was already at the church, because he was preaching, so I had to do all this by myself. The hardest part of it was knowing that this is the beginning of the rest of my life! Soon Solomon will be preaching almost every Sunday, and I will always be facing Sunday morning by myself. I have to admit that I am feeling fairly depressed about that right now.
My plans are, to work harder to create a Saturday night prep routine, that means that everyone has an approved outfit set out the night before so we can minimize the tantrums about clothing. I also have to include bathing the kids as a Saturday event. It's totally bringing up all my frustrating memories about my own childhood as a PK.
That said, church itself was very nice, and I got to hear Solomon preach a full sermon for the first time! He did a wonderful job and I enjoyed it very much.
Just for fun, here is Bram, napping as I sit writing this post.
My plans are, to work harder to create a Saturday night prep routine, that means that everyone has an approved outfit set out the night before so we can minimize the tantrums about clothing. I also have to include bathing the kids as a Saturday event. It's totally bringing up all my frustrating memories about my own childhood as a PK.
That said, church itself was very nice, and I got to hear Solomon preach a full sermon for the first time! He did a wonderful job and I enjoyed it very much.
Just for fun, here is Bram, napping as I sit writing this post.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Day 88
I'm feeling good today. I got some good new ideas for working with the kids, and I'm excited to try them. I'm going to try whispering when I feel like yelling, I'm told that you use a different part of your brain when you whisper (which I find oddly fascinating). The other thing I'm going to try is active listening with the kids on their level. That means that I will kneel down and get to their eye level and then repeat back to them their words in their tone of voice so that they know that I have heard them.
This new app that I got has really inspired me to stay present with myself and my feelings, and the kids and their feelings. I made a list to remind me of the things I'm trying to make my new habits around the kids. I added a task to my morning routine of reading my list every morning. I'm hoping to have that help me remember to do each of those things. Here's my list:
REMEMBER THIS
* When you want to yell, whisper
* When the kids are whining, kneel so you are on their level, and mirror them, use active listening to let them feel heard
* If Bram is screaming in your face, put him down while you get other things done
* Plan ahead for transitions
* Tell Solomon you love him by being punctual
* Cuddle with Cirdan
* Breathe
I'm working on my relationship with Cirdan in a lot of these items, and I think that Cirdan is a physical touch kid, meaning he knows I love him when I give him physical expressions of affection (hugs, kisses, back rubs, etc. ). It's strange to me that I really have to remind myself to do this, but that's the reality, so if I need to I'll make hugs a routine item to make sure I create this habit!
Being on time for life is something that I struggle with, especially if I'm not excited to go do what I need to do. It means a lot to Solomon to be on time, so I'm trying to create a new habit of being on time as a way of showing him respect and love.
I am reading a book by John Chapman called: The five languages of apology. One of the languages is called repentance, which means that an integral part of the apology is to make a decision to change, communicate that to the person you have wronged, and then do so. This is a tough one for me (I think that's true for all humans actually) and the book talks about the importance of making a plan so that you carry out the changes. So this list that I must read daily is my first plan for change. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else.
This new app that I got has really inspired me to stay present with myself and my feelings, and the kids and their feelings. I made a list to remind me of the things I'm trying to make my new habits around the kids. I added a task to my morning routine of reading my list every morning. I'm hoping to have that help me remember to do each of those things. Here's my list:
REMEMBER THIS
* When you want to yell, whisper
* When the kids are whining, kneel so you are on their level, and mirror them, use active listening to let them feel heard
* If Bram is screaming in your face, put him down while you get other things done
* Plan ahead for transitions
* Tell Solomon you love him by being punctual
* Cuddle with Cirdan
* Breathe
I'm working on my relationship with Cirdan in a lot of these items, and I think that Cirdan is a physical touch kid, meaning he knows I love him when I give him physical expressions of affection (hugs, kisses, back rubs, etc. ). It's strange to me that I really have to remind myself to do this, but that's the reality, so if I need to I'll make hugs a routine item to make sure I create this habit!
Being on time for life is something that I struggle with, especially if I'm not excited to go do what I need to do. It means a lot to Solomon to be on time, so I'm trying to create a new habit of being on time as a way of showing him respect and love.
I am reading a book by John Chapman called: The five languages of apology. One of the languages is called repentance, which means that an integral part of the apology is to make a decision to change, communicate that to the person you have wronged, and then do so. This is a tough one for me (I think that's true for all humans actually) and the book talks about the importance of making a plan so that you carry out the changes. So this list that I must read daily is my first plan for change. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Day 87
I am noticing my inner know-it-all is popping up in the last couple days. I can't control others! Trying to help the people around me is a good thing, but acting like miss bossy is not!
Lord help me be a listener!
I know I can't save someone else's marriage, but I can offer support to struggling people. It's a subtle difference, and I'm having trouble being aware of that line. I can offer advice if it's asked for, but can I call someone on behavior that's harmful to their marriage if they have been avoiding me? I keep recalling the plank and the beam, the casting the first stone, and all that.
On a totally unrelated topic, I am feeling really excited because I found an app for my trusty Ipad that is created in the FlyLady system! (for more info on Flylady check out Flylady.com) I love it so far, but it's only been one full day, so I know my opinion is colored by the "new app romance". I'm hoping to get into a solid habit of using this app before the warm fuzzes become cold and threadbare. Oh the app is called Home Routines, and it lets you create lists of tasks, that fit into a routine. I have a morning routine, an afternoon routine and an evening routine. I get to give myself a gold star for each task, and there is a tracker that tells me how many stars I have. Its not perfect yet, but I hear rumors that they are continuing development and adding more features to make it even better.Yesterday I did 32 tasks! I'm gonna try for even more today, and I'm going to add more fun time with the kids to my routines, hopefully that will help me give them more time with me.
Do you have any struggles/triumphs with household work? I'd love to hear about them in the comments! Here's a picture of my shiny sink!
Lord help me be a listener!
I know I can't save someone else's marriage, but I can offer support to struggling people. It's a subtle difference, and I'm having trouble being aware of that line. I can offer advice if it's asked for, but can I call someone on behavior that's harmful to their marriage if they have been avoiding me? I keep recalling the plank and the beam, the casting the first stone, and all that.
On a totally unrelated topic, I am feeling really excited because I found an app for my trusty Ipad that is created in the FlyLady system! (for more info on Flylady check out Flylady.com) I love it so far, but it's only been one full day, so I know my opinion is colored by the "new app romance". I'm hoping to get into a solid habit of using this app before the warm fuzzes become cold and threadbare. Oh the app is called Home Routines, and it lets you create lists of tasks, that fit into a routine. I have a morning routine, an afternoon routine and an evening routine. I get to give myself a gold star for each task, and there is a tracker that tells me how many stars I have. Its not perfect yet, but I hear rumors that they are continuing development and adding more features to make it even better.Yesterday I did 32 tasks! I'm gonna try for even more today, and I'm going to add more fun time with the kids to my routines, hopefully that will help me give them more time with me.
Do you have any struggles/triumphs with household work? I'd love to hear about them in the comments! Here's a picture of my shiny sink!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Day 86
I'm working hard on my relationship with Cirdan. I love him, but I am so triggered by him. He needs love, attention and approval, yet I am really struggling to give him those things. He so quickly complains about everything! "Guess what Cirdan? You get to go to Ben's house to play!" "Aaaawwww! When can I play with Brian?!"
"Time to put on your shoes" "Whaaaaaaat?!"
"After you finish clean-up you can have a cookie and watch tv until bedtime ok?" "Why do we always have to do cleanup?! You are so mean Mama!!!"
And the list goes on. I get a feeling after a while that I can do nothing right, and that he will always find something to complain about. So how do I get him to learn a new habit? Punishing it out of him has so far been unproductive, and only leads to more accusations of my meanness. Loving it out of him is proving to be very hard for me to maintain.
The whole situations would be easier if I could be less reactive. I'm sure that he keeps it up because he knows eventually I will lose my temper. Often enough I walk away feeling stuck so that he gets out of a fair amount of stuff. Like I said I'm not strong on consistency. Grrrrrr!
On the brighter side, my sweet baby Bram is enchanting, and despite a very fussy day, I still find him irresistible.
I think for now I'll hang in there and try to recall how I felt the same way about Cirdan when he was small.
"Time to put on your shoes" "Whaaaaaaat?!"
"After you finish clean-up you can have a cookie and watch tv until bedtime ok?" "Why do we always have to do cleanup?! You are so mean Mama!!!"
And the list goes on. I get a feeling after a while that I can do nothing right, and that he will always find something to complain about. So how do I get him to learn a new habit? Punishing it out of him has so far been unproductive, and only leads to more accusations of my meanness. Loving it out of him is proving to be very hard for me to maintain.
The whole situations would be easier if I could be less reactive. I'm sure that he keeps it up because he knows eventually I will lose my temper. Often enough I walk away feeling stuck so that he gets out of a fair amount of stuff. Like I said I'm not strong on consistency. Grrrrrr!
On the brighter side, my sweet baby Bram is enchanting, and despite a very fussy day, I still find him irresistible.
I think for now I'll hang in there and try to recall how I felt the same way about Cirdan when he was small.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Day 85
I notice that, for me, inaction leads to depression. Today I worked really hard and got all the kids (there's five of them now) to church. I had to work alone because Solomon was preaching for the very service we were attending. I did a great job, and I am very happy about that. When we got home I just wanted to do nothing, but after spending about three hours doing just that, I found that I had not enjoyed my sedentary hours, and in addition I was feeling lousy emotionally. Solomon was very kind, and when he asked how I was doing, he listened very compassionately while I expressed my feelings.
I noticed that I was wondering what the point of everything is anyway! I know on an intellectual level what the point of life is, but on an emotional level it was hard to care about anything. The house is almost always a mess, and managing to gather the energy to even want to clean it is extremely hard! It is frustrating to know that the kids really don't care about having a clean house, but I would really like a clean house, it would feel great to me to have a tidy and nice space to spend my time. But I lack the consistency to set rules about where and when the kids can eat, so that all rooms end up full of food all over the place! I'm not interested in making them keep their toys in only the toy rooms, but I really dislike dealing with the whining at the end of the day, when they have to clean it all up.
I know that this is the reality of life with small children, and I know that children grow up very fast. But the phrase that really resonates with me "the days are long but the years are short" is feeling like a bit of a curse right in this moment.
One obstacle is that while I know being active will help my mood, having a 7 week old gets in the way of activities. So I have to be patient with lots of time spent doing only infant care. Sometimes that mess sitting near him letting him suck on my finger while he falls asleep. So to pass the time I read books on my kindle app, or watch movies, but the I lose momentum, and when I could get going, I no longer want to.
I'm going to try meditating when I have those moments, perhaps in that sort of a state I can hang onto some of my motivation when I am able to step away from the baby. Well, in the interests of a good day tomorrow, I'm going to bed.
I noticed that I was wondering what the point of everything is anyway! I know on an intellectual level what the point of life is, but on an emotional level it was hard to care about anything. The house is almost always a mess, and managing to gather the energy to even want to clean it is extremely hard! It is frustrating to know that the kids really don't care about having a clean house, but I would really like a clean house, it would feel great to me to have a tidy and nice space to spend my time. But I lack the consistency to set rules about where and when the kids can eat, so that all rooms end up full of food all over the place! I'm not interested in making them keep their toys in only the toy rooms, but I really dislike dealing with the whining at the end of the day, when they have to clean it all up.
I know that this is the reality of life with small children, and I know that children grow up very fast. But the phrase that really resonates with me "the days are long but the years are short" is feeling like a bit of a curse right in this moment.
One obstacle is that while I know being active will help my mood, having a 7 week old gets in the way of activities. So I have to be patient with lots of time spent doing only infant care. Sometimes that mess sitting near him letting him suck on my finger while he falls asleep. So to pass the time I read books on my kindle app, or watch movies, but the I lose momentum, and when I could get going, I no longer want to.
I'm going to try meditating when I have those moments, perhaps in that sort of a state I can hang onto some of my motivation when I am able to step away from the baby. Well, in the interests of a good day tomorrow, I'm going to bed.
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