Day 84

So the hardest time of day begins when it is time to make dinner. By then I am tired, and hot, and really wanting to do almost anything but make dinner. The kids still have needs and wants, and they come into the kitchen quite regularly. I have the hardest time then being patient with them. I am working hard to forgive myself for my short temper, but it's hard not to feel like a failure every day to get to dinner time, and consistently be angry by the time we sit down to eat. It is very hard to find a good mood in that moment and be ready to have a nice family meal. Tonight Cirdan would not eat a bite, and I had made the meal with him in mind! I left the green beans raw, because he hates them cooked, and I make chicken fingers, very like chicken nuggets, which he loves! So going to that care and then having him flat out refuse to eat was really hard. The truth is that without my permission or awareness he had been eating tortilla chips all afternoon, so he truly wasn't hungry. I stated out loud that it is hard when Cirdan won't eat the food I make, but I did not yell at him, or force him to eat. I did require that he come say the blessing with us, and he did that without complaint, but it was very hard to let it all go.