Today I noticed that I am feeling really good about this blog. Just that I have succeeded in writing at least 200 words each day for 11 days now is great! Ok Ok I know, I missed one day and wrote twice the next, but I am reflecting on each day that passes, and that's the main idea. I have not missed several days in a row and that's a follow-through that is very satisfying. I do think too that it is having a positive impact on my daily life. Now granted that I have found that in life, when I have a really bad day, it is usually followed by a much better day by comparison. And on the other hand, really good days are almost always followed by really bad days. Hopefully today was enough in the middle that tomorrow can be pleasant also. I found myself struggling with Thea over her homework, and instead of losing my temper, and yelling at her when she was stuck in whine mode, I whispered. I found that it kept me calmer, kept my body relaxed, and helped to not feel physically angry. The other thing I did a lot today, was a sort of wrong reason, but right outcome thing. I was playing a game on my Ipod, that required minimal attention, but distracted me from my anger and frustration with the kids when they went into whiny mode. I have to find a way to do that more consciously, so that I can have the benefits of not getting so angry, but not have the appearance that I am not paying attention to the kids.
So writing this blog has been proving helpful in that I take the time to reflect on my day. I have not been judging myself for my failures and successes, though I have been grading myself, it's been keeping it intellectual. I have noticed things about the way I behave that I was unaware of before. Now that I notice those things, I can choose a different option. When I don't notice my bad behavior, I can't change it, but when I know what my tendencies are I can (try) to make a different choice.
So far just observing, seems to be effecting change, and that is very comforting.
I think I want to start pointing out to myself, the times that I speak to the Profs with scorn. Maybe that way I can change my habit.
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