Day17 Grade: B+

I got an A in some ways, but not in others. Cirdan seems to have Lyme. Yuck! His right knee is all puffy and swollen.  It looks so sad! He is very stoic about it, I think because he has so much anxiety about going to the Doctor, that he doesn't want to tell me when he is in pain. But today we went to the Pediatrician and he came through it like a trooper. I even got to have some time to comfort him and feel like his loving Mama for the first time in months.
I cuddled with each of the kids tonight at bedtime, and it felt so nice to get that one on one time. It wasn't long for each kid, but it was undivided attention. I'm going to try harder to take the time to do that. There are nights when I can't because of commitments to others, such that I'm not there for bedtime, but when I am I should take the time!
Tomorrow Cirdan has to go to the hospital for a blood test and X-ray of his knee.  I know he's scared, and I am trying to think of any and all ways I can offer comfort. I already have told him we will get him a reward for being brave while we do the blood draw. I pray that he feels as safe as possible. Solomon will take the time to go with us to get the procedures done, and I am very grateful for that. He and Cirdan have a very loving and present relationship that will be a big comfort to Cirdan I think. Other than that Thea stayed home from school again, and spent the day on the couch watching Movies. I hope she will be well enough for school tomorrow, but I'm not sure. She was saying that she felt achy and sore still today. Her fever is gone though, so we'll see how she is in the morning.
Well this is less of a reflective response to my day and more of a journal entry, but oh well that's just how it goes sometimes.
I cared well for Cirdan, and cared for the others physically, but I was not as attentive as I would like to be overall.  It's got to be hard for Thea to be the sickie, and yet feel trumped in attention by her brother who seems to be in less pain than she is. Jaden and Zoe just sort of plod along, taking the lumps of being the healthy children, and being the youngest who never got as much undivided attention anyway. They both know how to get what they want though. Zoe knows that she doesn't have to beg for long before I'll give her whatever she wants so that I can focus on whatever has me worried at any given moment.  But I'm aware of the fact that that is not helping them in their life, and I do want to change that! It's frustrating to feel like life is too complicated for me to keep up!