I spent some time today hanging out with the youngest two profs. without turning on the TV or ignoring them. It went fairly well. I think I'm at a B- for today. Had the usual ups and downs, but I think overall that I handled myself fairly well. It helps that I had lots of people around in the afternoon.
Mostly I was thinking several different times today about the way I think of my job. It's my job to be a full time mom. I often think about how much I don't like my job. I think of it as being honest with myself to admit that. In fact about a week ago, a friend thanked me for saying how hard it is and how I don't like it a lot of the time. She said it felt good to hear that others feel the same way she does sometimes. I'm glad that it's comforting to her.
I was thinking today though about the law of attraction. How the more I think "I don't like my job" the more it will be true. And I am wondering how to go about changing my thinking about my job. I want to be honest, I don't think lying to myself will make me suddenly a perfect mother. I do think that affirming my desire to be a loving compassionate mother would be productive.
I have noticed that when I feel I have failed once again in being the mother I want to be, that I internally abuse myself, and get stuck in self-criticism. I have once or twice managed to keep my thoughts about myself affirming and loving and forgiving. I find that when I can do that: meaning have compassion for myself, that I am able to have that extend to my kids too. I'm going to try to keep thinking kind thoughts about myself.
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