It is not an exaggeration to say that this meeting is saving my life. I am finding sanity through this group of people who are all trying to leave behind codependency. Thank you God for leading me here.
There is so much in my heart tonight.
I spent the day watching TV. I'm still not sure if the day went well for me because I am an addict falling off the wagon and enjoying my drug, and feeling in control and at peace because of the drug fix (TV); or if I was doing what I told myself I was, taking it easy and taking care of myself. I am fighting off a bit of a head cold, that had me feeling totally fuzzy headed today. I took the day off, and watched TV while the littles played near me. anytime that they needed me I stopped what I was watching and cared for them. I even got through some big tantrums from both Thea and Cirdan without being drawn into their emotions. I was able to notice that I am a separate person from them, and I am the parent who is responsible to set boundaries. I set the boundaries, and they push them. When I say no over and over to what they want they get mad about it. It's a reasonable thing to do. But my job is to acknowledge their feelings, not change my mind about my decision (assuming it was a reasonable decision). I can validate their feelings, and offer sympathy, but then it ends. Then I stick to what I said, and allow them to feel upset, and learn how to deal with the disappointments in life. I must control my children's environments, so that they will be safe and cared for. I cannot control what they think or feel. I can offer an example of how to handle tough feelings in a productive and healthy way. I can tell them what I think about things and situations, and pray that they learn good things from my input. But I am not God, I cannot make them do or think anything. That is so freeing!! I feel so blessed to be in a place of awakening about this.
Thanks Lord, I needed that. Please help me hang onto this concept.
You are everything I need, and I am enough.
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