Day 88

I forgot to post before I went to bed last night. Oh well, that's OK.
The rest of the day was really quite wonderful. I was able to get quite a few tasks done that I have had on my to do list for a long time now. And on top of that I spent a good chunk of the morning playing with the littlest two kids. We really had a lot of fun, reading books, stacking blocks, and laughing together. I stayed present with myself and them. In the afternoon I took care of myself by going to the Gym and walking for a half hour. That was the second day in a row, and if I can get through the snow that's falling I'm gonna try to go today as well.
I am going to focus going forward on not worrying what others think of me. I have my life, and my choices, and I do not have to justify them to anyone. Yet I feel so self conscious about my choices, and life, and I am so worried about what other people might be thinking, that I volunteer information that is really no one else's business. They didn't set out to be nosy, I just offer it and hope that it keeps them from thinking badly of me. It's probably really annoying from their point of view, but they are kind and say nothing. I really have to get over that because I'm going to be in a really miserable existence if I keep this up.
So that's going to be a big focus for me in this new year. I'm allowed to take time to have fun, and it has nothing to do with what others think of me! I do it because it's what is good for me, and by extension, my family! I'm allowed to wait a bit longer to wash the dishes so that I can watch a TV show that I like or go to the gym. If the house is not spotless, I don't have to make apologies or excuses to people who come over!