I am worthy of play time. I am discovering that as I allow myself to indulge in play time, I am becoming more and more aware of the kids' need for play time and - more significantly for me - play time with me. When they come to me asking for time with me, I am feeling less hostile in my reaction and a bit more willing to play with them. As I fill my own need for recreation, it is easier to be aware of their need for time spent together playing, and be happy to fill it.
I spent a huge amount of time today filling my own need for fun, and yet I found it even easier than yesterday to give them my attention and affection. I was willing to read a story with Jaden and Zoe, and not minding that we took our time about it. Flipping back to the pages that Zoe liked best, not trying to read it the way a grownup would, in order, one page at a time, but the way a baby does, what is most interesting all the time. I really enjoyed it and look back on it with happiness. I am going to keep working on letting go of guilt about playing, and having fun for my own sake. No more guilt about watching tv and taking time for myself. When I can fill my own need for fun, then I will have the energy available to give them the attention with play time that they need.
I have a pretty large deficit in the fun time department, so I think it's still going to be a process about letting go of that guilt, but I am going to try really hard to get there.
Thank you Lord for the gift of fun.
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