It was a bad day. I yelled, I screamed, I made the children responsible for my feelings, and was contempt-ful and sarcastic. The real problem though is that right now, I have little or no desire to change that or apologize for it all.
I want only two things, a good night of uninterrupted sleep, and a day (or five) off. I want a break. I want to go away, think, rest, and gain perspective. Then I can come back to my job with renewed resolve, commitment, and love for my little Professors.
The problem of course is that I can't have a day off and a solid night of sleep. It's not available. And feeling sorry for myself, and only thinking of myself is counter-productive. It does not lead to job satisfaction and happiness. Nope, not at all. Right now I am on a path that leads to a huge desire to get away and not have to serve one more meal to people who say thank you without meaning it, and them complain about what I made; People who are sick, and only gripe about the money I spend, and the time I take to care for them. I'm very sick of it all, and I want a day off. I want a chance to reflect that it's my job to do the work that I get criticized for and not thanked for. It's my job to put up with small children that are in essence, cute little bundles of needs. They do give things, and blessings come with caring for them, but at this moment I have no idea what that is. All I know is that I am washed out, and want to check out, but I can't.
That was my day.
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