I did get a lot of tasks accomplished today. I tried to focus on two things as I did so, 1) My value is not based on my accomplishments, and 2)I cannot control/change others (kids included).
this had a rather dampening effect on how I felt about myself. I could not allow myself to feel good about myself because of getting things done, and that was a major downer. I figured out along the way somehow, that I am allowed to feel good as a result of getting things done, it just has to be because I satisfy my own needs rather than the needs of others. That sounds selfish, but really it's just trying to get to a place of not needing others' approval to feel good about myself. I did great things today, I did laundry, and cleaning in the bathroom, bedroom, and the kids bedroom! I feel good because I like it when the house is clean. I feel happy when the house is clean. I even feel happy to be giving a clean house to my family. I am being codependant if I only feel satisfied with a clean house if the rest of the family praises me for it. I'm only being unbalanced if I think that my value lies in keeping the house clean. I am valuable no matter what! But I can have the pleasure of self satisfaction by having an orderly house because I want it. Then I can see how to lead the kids in cleaning their rooms even though they hate it! I can push through their anger, because I can know that I will be a happier person, and therefore a happier mother with an orderly house. So It is caring for myself to endure their anger about having to do chores! Huh, that's weird, I never noticed that before.
I can give a gift to myself and my family of a clean house, and it is a gift, and I am wonderful, and valuable, even if the gift I give is not appreciated. I can work hard to provide a good healthy and delicious meal for my children and husband, and it does not matter one bit if they like it or not, it was still a wonderful gift, and my value is not based on their satisfaction.
Speaking of independence, and caring for myself, it's time to sleep.
