Day 64

I set a limit of 3 hours of TV for the kids. They were sick today, but I wanted to keep things reasonable anyway. I dropped that limit as soon as we reached it. It made for a fairly peaceful day though. It was just as well, with all the kids being just a bit under the whether it was good for them to lay around and rest. Each of them fell asleep for some amount of time, and I trust that the rest was good for them.
I was working hard today to take care of myself and meet my own needs. That mostly translated to keeping the kitchen tidy for most of the day, and at cleanup time, insisting that they clean up the mess in the living room that they created over the course of the day. I felt like a bit of a monster making them clean up their mess, seeing as it was created because they were feeling sick, and they still were a little sick. But I decided that this is part of my process. I need to value myself enough to know that it is OK to ask them to have chores. They were not truly sick any more, and were more using it as an excuse to get out of the normal night time routine. I was not feeling the best today either, but I kept going aside from a short nap on the couch.
I have had the title "control freak" re defined in my life. It's not about having everything just so, following a strict schedule etc... though it can be. But in my case I am a control freak without the ultra clean house and rock solid routine. No for me it means that I want to be in control no matter what. I expect the kids and Solomon to do what I want them to, and give me control, all the time, no matter what. The thing about this that makes me chuckle, is that it seems to me that the "cure" or a step toward it anyway, is to actually have a routine, and standards, that not only the kids have to hold to, but that I have to hold to. If I can find a framework that we can all count on being the standard, then maybe the kids will have enough security and consistency in their lives, to feel safer.
Then perhaps I would be a bit closer to caring for myself and them.