So I'm ditching the grade thing. It's just not useful. I was never able to think of a way to make it objective enough to be really useful. There are just too many factors to take into account. So from now on I'll be writing about my day, and how I think I did, but I'll be leaving out the part where I give myself a grade.
Today I was not very independent. I was pretty codependent in fact. I'm feeling tired and cranky right now. It's hard to put my finger on why today was different...I was not feeling in touch with my own value, and that seems to me to make a huge difference. It's hard though because I don't really know why I couldn't feel more positive about myself, but for what ever reason I just couldn't.
My day started well, but I got caught up in computer stuff, and making phone calls. The phone calls had to be made, but the kids have a very hard time not interrupting. It is inevitable, it seems, that the more important the phone call is, the bigger the melt down that will happen while on said phone call! So that dragged me down fast, and I never managed to recover.
In the afternoon we worked on a gingerbread house as a group, all the kids and I together. Yes that isn't a great combo when I am in codependent mode! I was in a controlling mode and that made it a frustrating project. I made supper and did homework with Thea. It was very necessary because she's back at school on monday and had to get the work done from the last three days of school!
Cirdan and I need to make some felted figures that the rest of his class did this week while he has been out with his cold. So I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, and wanting to find my independence again! I'm looking forward to my CoDA meeting in a few days now. Perhaps if I get one of the many codependency books out there I could read it and that might help me stay on track during the week.
Anyway, here's to a better tomorrow!
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