70 days of this...I am feeling the value of this daily reflection. It is keeping me in line a bit anyway. I need to repeat my task to myself more often...
I admit that I am powerless over others; that my life is unmanageable.
This is such a meaning filled sentence. There is so much I could reflect on based on it.
The main thing is that I want to repeat it to myself with meaning so many times that I really do live in an awareness of this sentence. I am powerless over others. I really am. I think that I can control my kids, but the reality is that I can motivate them, if I am working in a positive way, or I can bully them from a negative place. I want to motivate and inspire. That is the place I want to live.
A friend gave me an analogy that is really wonderful, and I want to integrate it into my daily thinking.
When a baby is learning to walk, they take a step, and fall, then they try again, perhaps taking a few steps before they fall. If they are like my kids, they then take a break from trying to walk for a few days. But they get back to it and manage a little bit more each time they try. Now as a parent, I watch them learn, with excitement, joy, pride, fear of injury etc. But I would never scold them for falling. I would encourage and reassure, check for injury, and praise for efforts made.
I realize on a new level, that I need to treat myself that way, as I learn new habits. I will fall, I will regress, and from my point of view, fail. But to scold myself, and say mean things, like "you idiot!" "when will you figure this out!?" "you did it again! you messed up!" "you are such a bad mother!" is mean and abusive to myself. I must stop.
I stumble, I fall, I get frustrated, when I feel like I'm not making progress. But just like those babies, I can walk, I'm just still learning how. I should be encouraging myself, and feeling proud and successful when I know I did well, and took a few steps toward independence. I can succeed!
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