Day 75

Merry Christmas! This has been one of the most peaceful Christmases I have known for years. It's been a low budget year, and we had to keep the gift giving to a minimum. Yet the kids had more fun opening their three gifts each (that included gifts from extended family) than I think they have had in past years.  I had some really great moments of self awareness that I am really grateful for. I had asked for help in cleaning up the kitchen after the big breakfast that we had this morning. I had some help with making breakfast, but I mostly did the work myself (which is fine, I wanted it that way, I love cooking). I asked that people help clean up, and I thought I had made it clear that I was hoping for a clean kitchen with dishes washed (even the hand washing). I found that I was not clear, because the minimum was done rather than the whole job. I was having an internal dialogue, trying to figure out what to do about this, when Solomon asked me how I was doing. I talked it out a bit, and he asked what was wrong with asking for help with it, I replied that I had already asked for help, and felt mean asking for more. My brother, and Solomon helped me see that my message had not been as clear as I had thought, and they thought they had done as much as I wanted done. So in the end they cleaned the kitchen until it sparkled! Then I dove in to Christmas dinner cooking and had a wonderful time!
Today is day 2 without TV shows. So far I am missing it, but finding it fairly easy to dismiss the craving. I am enjoying the increased self awareness that I was hoping to gain. It has helped me immensely in hearing my inner tape, and making sure it is a positive message.
On another note, I feel that I did not have the best of integrity this evening as we hung out and visited, and I wish I had done better. I want to learn to have grater compassion for others, and acknowledge that they have their own path, and not try to control their life from afar. It is amazing how easy it is for me point out Codependency in others and not see it in myself in the moment. I know that happens for everyone, but I really want to get better about that. This is going to be a busy week for me, and I am going to have to really work hard to stay conscious of my own thoughts and feelings.