Day 69

Last night Zoe slept very badly; I, on the other hand, got a good night sleep. That was because Solomon got up with her and re-settled her every time. I am grateful. That though contributed to Solomon being in a bad mood this morning. It happened that the kids woke up around 6:30, and Solomon went in to try to get them to go back to sleep just a little longer. He finally gave up, and they were up for the day. But that whole time I was still in bed and sleeping. I was finally out of bed around 7:45.
Now the tendency in this circumstance, is for me to feel guilty and join Solomon in feeling bad and grumpy. First I feel guilty, and try to fix Solomon's mood; When that fails - as it always does - I shift to feeling defensive, and from there jump right to angry. Then I get critical, and accusatory, and just plain mean. I am so grateful to the Lord, for leading me to the program that can help me change my behavior! Today, I dismissed the feelings of guilt. I acknowledged that I was feeling guilty, and recognized that going into a bad mood would not help Solomon feel better. I was able to remember that I cannot change Solomon's feelings, so I din't try. Thanks to that we had an OK morning. The kids and I were fairly happy and cheerful, and together (mostly me and Solomon) we cleaned the whole first floor! This includes the living room, diningroom, kitchen and front hallway. Quite a lot of work, but we did an awesome job of it, and Solomon said that getting that done left him feeling more at ease than before.

Then we were blessed by my brother in law, offering to watch the kids while we went on a walk together. It was wonderful, we went out for probably an hour, and had a lovely time. By the time we had been out for 10 minutes, Solomon was cracking jokes and teasing me. It was such a relief to hear him happy. It was amazing to know that nothing I had done, had changed his mood. He had taken care of himself, and he felt better now. That helps me so much to feel and know that I made the right choice when I rejected the guilt. Solomon really is a capable adult who can take care of himself, and I can respect him, and not treat him like a child.
This feels so much better than codependency. Thank you Lord. :)