This morning was a busy one. My sister is visiting for the holidays, and she got sick this morning. so I was trying to find things to help her, and help Solomon with the kids simultaneously. Solomon pretty much took on the kid things, and I did a few backup things. I was able to keep calm for the most part.
My successes today: I took time for myself, to do things that I enjoy. I handeld several tantrum moments with patience. And the Biggest, was when we didn't go to the Christmas party that we were all looking forward to, I tempered the hour long storm from the kids, with patience and sympathy.
My not so much successes today: I did not communicate with Solomon clearly about each of us taking time for fun things. There were a few occasions when I put watching TV above the kids needs.
Overall I am happy with how I did today, but there will always be room for improvement. I noticed an urge to be codependent with Solomon, when he was feeling angry about having to miss the party, because the kids were behaving so badly. I wanted to help him feel better, a good motive, but I had to work really hard to not go into fix it mode. I had to remind myself severa times that I cannot Control his feelings. Even if I want to change how he feels for his sake, getting caught up in an illusion that I can change his feelings, is not the healthy path I want to go down. I think that in the end I was pretty good about not trying to change his feelings. I asked if he wanted to talk, and I listened with compassion, giving validation for his feelings, and letting him know that I share the frustrations. Then we moved on and watched a funny TV show that we like. Solomon did a really amazing job of not getting codependent either, neither one of us pointed fingers or gave advice (that one is really hard for me), and I'm really grateful for this go round. It feels like we both handeld the evening in a not codependent way! That's really exciting to me!
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