Day 78

Hi my name is Tirah, and I'm codependent.
Tonight I am taking care of myself. I am living my right to do less than humanly possible. I am enough, and sometimes, I have to let the children have less of me for the night. When I have a better sense of boundaries, and can hang onto my own inner peace amidst all the moments of caring for them, then I can be a present loving mother. Tonight, I had to leave early and let them get settled on their own. I could not be present as loving and compassionate mother. I was a little girl, frustrated that she had to be in charge, and responsible, when no one seems to care about her or what she wants or what makes her feel safe, loved and happy. So I left, and I went to care for the little girl with me, who needed to know that she is loved, and is allowed to care for her own needs, and that she is safe and in the care of her higher power.  I cared for her, and gave her constant reassurance that she is wonderful and special, and valuable, priceless, in fact! I have encountered a new idea today, the idea is that all negative feelings need to be mothered. When I am feeling sad, or angry, or lonely, or any other negative emotion, I first just feel the emotion. That is very hard! I had a lot of practice this afternoon, and it was incredible, how hard it was just to stay in that sad place. The next part is to mother that feeling. put another way, I picture myself as a little child, and comfort that suffering little child. I was sad, and feeling worthless, so while holding that feeling in my consciousness, I began thinking like a loving mother, caring for her child who is hurt by mean words from people she loves. I told her that she is priceless, and not for anything she does, but just because she is. She was created by God and is not a mistake, but an angel in the making. It is Ok to be sad I said, we all feel sad sometimes. But it's ok to be happy too, and you are allowed to love yourself and take care of yourself too.
I have a long path to walk before I am really loving myself, and heal all the hurt from a little girl who didn't hear the message for some reason, that she is great, just because she is.
Thanks for listening.